The Official Groupie Application – v2.1 Noah Twist - APPROVED

 

The Official Groupie Application – v2.1

Curated by Kunto. For Quality Control Purposes Only. 

Name: Noah
Surname: Twist
Email: noahtwist@outoflook.com
Height: 168 cm
Weight: 94 kg

Energy Level:
☑ Low — like a sloth in a hammock (tested on a real circus machine and failed 0/10)

Haircut Style:
☑ Done by Mum (with kitchen scissors)
☐ Dog groomer special
☐ Edward Scissorhands original
☐ Famous Stylist
☐ Cheap Stylist who accepts coupons and baked goods

Personal Hygiene – How often do you wash?
☐ Only at Christmas 
☐ When I go to the beach and the waves do most of the work
☑ 1 to 3 times per week (so Mum doesn’t worry)
☐ 1 to 3 times per day
☐ 1 to 3 times per month — self-lubricating skin

Favorite Games (tick all that apply):
☑ Monopoly
☐ Card Games
☐ Twister 
☐ Bocce game (no double meaning intended)
☐ Billiards
☐ Hide and Seek
☐ Ring-around-the-rosy 

Humor Evaluation (Mandatory):
Q: Tell us a joke.
A man walks into a bar… splash.
(Extra points for the dead-eyed, tax-return-level delivery. You nailed it.)

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 ✅ APPROVED (Against all odds. And better judgment.)  

By submitting this form, I agree to: bring my own bad jokes, maintain concerning hygiene standards, avoid Twister, and never, ever be funnier than Kunto.

 

Noah Twist

 

 

Kunto's note: 

- Low threat level. Extremely low. Like… floor-level.  

– Will never outrun me. Or anyone.  

– Monopoly skills surprisingly decent.  

– Brings his own cereal.  

– Mum-certified: emotionally stable(ish).   

Do not give him caffeine. Ever.