The Official Groupie Application – v2.1 Brad Flexington - APPROVED

 

The Official Groupie Application – v2.1 

Curated by Kunto. For Quality Control Purposes Only.

 



 

Name: Brad Flexington 

Nickname: “Big B” / The Mirror Whisperer 

Email: proteinlover190@flexmail.com 

Height: 190 cm 

Weight: 89 kg of pure gym ego 

Energy Level: 

☑ Moderate (unless there’s a mirror nearby—then it spikes)

 

Haircut: 

☑ Cow-licked elegance (claims it's “Italian stallion vibes”) 

 

Who is your hairdresser? 

☐ Mum 

☐ Dog groomer 

☐ Edward Scissorhands 

☐ Famous Stylist 

☑ Cheap Stylist who also sells protein bars 

 

Personal Hygiene – How often do you wash? 

☐ Only at Christmas 

☐ When I go to the beach 

☐ 1 to 3 times per week 

☑ 1 to 3 times per day (and always drenched in cologne that says “I’m here before you even see me”)

 

Favorite Games (choose all that apply): 

☑ Bowling (says “it's about precision and balls”) 

☐ Monopoli 

☐ Card Games 

☐ Twister 

☐ Bocce 

☐ Hide and Seek 

☐ Ring-around-the-rosy 

 

---

 

Humor Evaluation (Mandatory): 

Q: Tell us a joke.

"Okay okay… so like, there was a chicken… wait, no, a duck. No—anyway, he walks into a gym and says ‘No pain, no grain!’ Haha… get it? Because… bread? No? Okay, wait, let me start over..."

“No need, bro. We've suffered enough.”

 

Final Assessment: 

✅ APPROVED ( – With Scented Reservations) 

 

By submitting this form, I agree to: bring my own bad jokes, maintain concerning hygiene standards, avoid Twister, and never, ever be funnier than Kunto.


Brad Flexington


Kunto’s note:

- Joke delivery: tragic. 

- Smells like a cologne factory exploded. 

- Olimpia takes one whiff and leaves the building gagging. 

- Not a threat, but might be useful as a coat rack.

Commenti

Posta un commento

Post popolari in questo blog

I DOx3 DESERT EDITION

Immagine
  Statement prepared and read by Hazel Nuss, Independent Legal Counsel and Unbiased, Incorruptible Witness to the Newlyweds In the heart of the arid Desert, where ancient secrets whisper with the wind, an extraordinary… union  unfolds. ( we can say union, the word is legally accurate. ) Kunto, Letizia, and Olimpia have you come together? — by your own choice? — agreeing on a mutually beneficial pact that will, with some luck, not end in blood, scandal, or spontaneous duels?  (Letizia might still consider them a bonus and say ''no'') In this  celebration of chaos, passion, and unbreakable bonds, today these three defy convention, pledging their lives together once again amidst swirling sands and mysterious coffee beans rites. This triad vows not only —" ( Hazel pauses dramatically, then furtively spells out the word 'love' in sign language, glancing sideways to make sure Letizia isn’t watching ) "— but also survival in a world as unpredictable a...
Continua a leggere

OPERATION SURPRISE (ALMOST SUCCESSFUL)

Immagine
Tatiana had one job: surprise Hazel. Not rocket science. Just show up unannounced, kiss her wife, win all the points. To plan it, she contacted Green. Innocently. Strategically. “I am comiiiiiiiiiing,” she texted, hoping to coordinate behind Hazel’s back. But alas... not all secret missions survive the Green filter. Green, in a moment of pure cosmic confusion (24/7) and distracted by thoughts of another woman with a similar name, replied with absolute enthusiasm: “Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh faster .... finally I can kiss my bitch!” Oops. Realizing the accidental exposure, Green’s meltdown was swift and theatrical: “Oh no... what have I done?! I replied to you by mistake,?! Hazel's going to kill me, I just know it. It wasn’t on purpose, it was just... enthusiasm! Please, don’t tell her—no wait, you already did, didn’t you? I’m doomed. Tell her I’m sorry. Deeply sorry. Also... still laughing. But in fear!” Tati’s dry reply? “I only wrote to you so you wouldn’t tell Hazel abo...
Continua a leggere

HAZEL, attorney-at-law for Mr. Kunto Balle

Immagine
  Before the International Court of Sentimental Affairs (Division of Temporary Deaths) "Honourable judges, my client, Mr. Kunto Balle, was never truly dead... technically speaking. He was merely engaged in a covert operation that required his temporary removal from all official records of existence. Therefore, the death certificate must be deemed null and void, as should the dissolution of his marriages to Ms. Olimpia and Ms. Letizia. According to Article 42-bis of the Popomundian Affection Code, Section 7, ‘temporary vital suspension shall not constitute sufficient grounds for bond dissolution if the individual returns within 999 days of the presumed departure.’ I therefore petition this Court to immediately reinstate both marriages, retroactively, and to grant my client the right to a welcome-back kiss and a quick espresso, as provided under the Popomundian Marital Protocol in cases of unexpected resurrection.” Witnesses for the defence: Grand Master of the Cult of the Mismatche...
Continua a leggere